The Fight to Write.

The semester ended, I pulled two A's, a B and a C with a C- in the lab. Perfectly maintaining my 3.14 GPA. But none of that really got me any closer to writing anything, in most cases it actually detoured my efforts.

I went on a weeks vacation, I got my tattoo, I got my driver's permit, and I managed to make an almost liquid version of pumpkin fudge. The time off gave me time to think more on my idea for the Fantasy based Autobiography, but I was too far from my keys and the drafting I had already done.

Got all of my paintings for xmas done, I had four left to do and I managed to paint five of them. Between painting and a head cold I managed to get no writing done.

This time of year work is increasingly boring, this year actually seems to be worse. There are four people in the department that have not been there as long as I have, and I still think my job is at risk. It may just be paranoia, but I have not seen the amount of business that I am used to.

Between drinking and spending time with friends and family my free time has flushed right on by. Currently I should be moving about and trying to find some breakfast item, but it has been so long since I have gotten anything done I think my tools are getting rusty.

Women have had the continued ability to give me no chance whatsoever. What state is the world in when people complain about being single but do not go on dates? Honestly, I understand that finding someone that is compatible is a hard task and it takes some trying, but no one is trying back. I have been on one date in my life, I learned a lot about my likes, my dislikes, my strengths, my weaknesses. Finding that I was not compatible on a date was much more helpful then someone telling me that they just got over a long relationship and they do not want anything serious, so they won't go on a date.

As far as I can piece things together, no one really knows how to come across someone that it compatible, in most cases it is just something that eventually clicks. I am just enjoy having the company of a women, I literally like talking about the view of the world with them, their hopes and dreams. I find women much easier to talk to, but they all think that when I ask them to go on a date that I just want to take them home. In all honesty I have had a women I knew very little about and it was the most damaging thing that I ever did to myself. I was reading Alan Alda's first book 'Never Have Your Dog Stuffed' and the line "the world is a place of naked women, drinking, smoking and laughing into the early morning." (para, the book is at my father's) That was about the late forties early fifties, right when people where entering an age of being that they did not completely understand. America, if not the world, continued to progress in this manner; the important things are left not talked about and people deny anything that they would have to put effort into understanding. People continued to drink and smoke, and the drinking and smoking was so great they found other recreational drugs to do, people get to a state were they make choices that would not normally make and then do something that they are ashamed about, and instead of progressing and moving on, they turn to drugs and alcohol even more, or they stay with that abusive person, or they shut themselves off from the world, or they play video games and movies until there brain can only function if all the work has been done for them.

I was standing in my kitchen listening to my nephews watch old episodes of Spider-Man, I used to watch the show when I was a kid but I never really analyzed what was going on with the scripting and progression of the show. Every line either added an unnecessary amount of drama to the story or it told you what was going on. No detail was spared to a viewer and the plot moved so fast that there was no real way for any of it to sink into a person, it just hit hard and then faded away to the next show. I found myself knowing exactly why all the children in my generation were diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, we all grew up in front of the television. How could a class, which moves at the pace of the average learner, keep up with that of a television. The more kids watched TV the more the class had to slow down because no one understood what was going on.

TV is an abused commodity, the television that is housed in my living room is never off, it is on during the day to entertain the dog and give my mother the sense of security that a stranger would not break in if the TV is on, and it is on at night because my mom sleeps 'better' with it on. Sense I was given the option, my TV is nowhere near my bed. Bedrooms are for thinking, reading, lovemaking, and sleeping, not watching TV.

I think the largest thing that has keep me from writing is all the free time that I have, my schedule is so fluid that I can't find the time to sit down and do some real writing. This is just a necessary reach out to the writer inside of myself, a plea to have him take hold and force me to write no matter what the deterrents.

Unfortunately this forty minute writing block has no time to flourish any further.

-NK