(W16.1) BEH Entry #1: Whim of the Procrastinator

Yesterday was one of the rare full days off; no school and no work. So I am going to skip through the intriguing laundry with my mother story.

7:00pm- My niece had decided that she did not want to go out and eat, so I called up my cousin and asked if I could come over. I had two underlining goals in mind for this evening. First was to get a look at the painting of mine, that I had given my cousin after he had stated liking several times. The second goal was to see him and his girlfriend together. All of my Christmas painting are themed, theirs is a joint painting. I could not easily recall their actions together and wanted a fresh look at it. During my visit, my cousin and I confirmed that we were in fact getting really tried of Halo 3, it has just lost its flavor. I also got to see the first three episodes of 'How I met your mother.' It was way better then I thought it would be. So much so that, I do not plan to watch it over there again. I have a problem paying attention to people while a show is drawing me in. Watching something that I enjoy and have never seen is not a good way to spend time with people. On my walk home I tried to think of how I wanted to spend my evening....

10:00- One hour late for our evening walk, the dog followed me around and nearly dropped at the knee when I grabbed his leash. Other then trying to think of the best way to paint the painting, my mind was set on whether or not I should do the next activity. It was not on the list but was something that I wanted to do.

10:20- I donned a pair of shorts, my orange fleece jacket and an old pair of sneakers. I stood outside; for a few minutes I just tried to focus on controlling my breathing and then, I ran. For the first time since the cross country season ended in 2005. I had made a few attempts but I allowed chest pain to stop me almost immediately each time. This time I was pretty certain that it was all in my head. I ran and I told my self that I was going to run a three mile course, one of the runs I used to do for practice. It hurt, but in all the ways that I knew it would; I ran through it. For the first time in three years I felt I was in control of everything to come.

11:00- The allure of the internet overcame me, I needed to just calm down before I started to paint. There are a few friends that I like to share bits of my day with. One, an old cross country buddy, was on; whenever I talk to him it is like talking to an younger version of myself. I try to give him all the pearls of wisdom that I have, knowing full well that he will hit the same walls that I did. I know that most life lessons are best learned through the trail and error process, but I have found that failure hurts and I wish it on no one.

12:00am- I put Juno in my laptop and started painting. Painting is one of the things that I do without really understanding the process. It is much like my ability to figure people out, it is a tool that helps me write characters; I know how to read what I feel, so I can paint it. While I was painting a piece a few weeks ago I realized that if I focus on one person and think of all the moments with them, I can make a piece that stands out. I just think about the person and start grabbing paint, the emotions come and go. Each one only registering long enough to but the paint on the canvas. I finished two that had already been started, started and finished one, and started another. Completely taxing my creativity.

1:30- I am not really sure how I get sucked into the internet so easily, for the most part I am just waiting for something to happen. I have my facebook, this blog, the Eng 162 blog, dictionary.com, wikipedia, and my yahoo mail load up instantly. From there I just check to see what has changed and see if there is anyone on my instant messenger list.

2:15- I read from Alan Alda's 'What I Overheard While I Was Talking to Myself.' A book about speeches that he has given over the years and what they meant to him later. The book is more recent then any that I have read in a while. I read a chapter on a speech that he gave to scientists, the overall theme was to learn to take yourself with a grain of salt. He discussed how he had purposely failed something his father wanted him to do, because he thought it would lead him away from where he wanted to be. I think I understand what he is saying, but I do not think I am anywhere near being able to accomplish it. Though, I may have succeeded earlier in the evening though, when I pursued running. A burning desire, that I had told myself was impossible.

3:05-I closed my eyes and laid there until I drifted to sleep.

I think that I have to start to cast a label on myself aside. Writing all of this I have come to the conclusion that I am a very diverse person, that is far from the boring and plain person I tell myself that I am. It is like my Intro to Sociology teacher used to say, "You can't unlearn something, but you can RE-learn something."

-NK