This particular history starts when I was in grade school. One day about a half hour before the bus was to roll by, I threw up. I was instructed to clean it off the floor and to finish getting ready for school. The lesson learned was you go to school unless you need to go to the emergency room.
Then the years pass and I gain a fairly decent immune system, miss maybe a day a year. Holidays and weekends were very good days to have a cold and sleep in. The next big event in the history of my body would be my first work experience. I was thirteen years old and I learned how to rake blueberries, a job that you could not miss a day of.
For each summer for three years after I learned how, I raked blueberries for three weeks straight. Only taking days off do to weather. I made the goal of raking an average of twenty buckets a day and I stuck to it for all three of the years.
The April before what would have been my fifth year of raking I dislocated my shoulder while swimming. Because this is somehow an impossible feat I had to set it back myself, I was at a school function mind you.
Now to the pinnacle of my physical health. I was eighteen years old, I ran cross country, I had a part time job, full course load in high school, a long distance girlfriend and a new puppy. When cross country ended, I got really sick. I was started on a bipolar medication. I few months later my girlfriend dumped me and I had a test done for mono. It turned out that I had mono throughout my whole cross country career. My 'never give up' attitude and my high pain threshold got me through every race of the season. My coach even awarded me a book for most dedicated runner of '05.
Soon after the loss of my girlfriend I pursued a bicycle dream of mine. I rode my bike twenty miles to a small tourist trap and back in the same day. All in all I have made the trip five times. The best was about 65 miles on the bike, a three mile mountain hike, a dip in the ocean and some Chinese food in 12 hours.
Winter and Spring of 2007 I had an adverse reaction to the medication I was on. As far as I can tell the 10mg tablets built up in my system until my body was unable to cool itself off, even in 34 degree weather I was sweating. For a month or so all I did was sleep. My roommate recalled one time when I was sleeping 16 hours out of the day and then I would be up for less then four and then out for another 16 hours.
Currently I am rebuilding my immune system and trying to get into a routine for exercise. The rest is yet to be written. From what I understand of the aging process, my body has a lot of back tax it owes.
-NK
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Journal Entry #7: Me and my brother.
My brother is six and a half years older then I am. Through the last few years he has become a sort of role model for me. My mother and father divorced when I was five. I grew up with my brother and three older sisters, the eldest T, then M , then C. Well about eight years ago M's three year old son died of cancer. Around that time my Mother and sister T were undergoing cancer treatment. When they were starting to recover and we started to pick up the pieces of the family, my father had a heart attack and went off his medication. Soon after my father started to stabilize, sister C died of a blood clot. C was the one that tried to make me the best person I could be, so I think it was around then that my brother took his stature of a role model.
So, yesterday when I attended my brother's bachelor party ('Slobberknocker '08!' was what he named it.) it was more then a ritual signify acceptance of his marriage. It was celebrating with my brother, for most people that is a common place thing. To me it is something that seemed like it would never happen. M's son died around Christmas and C made sure that it was still a special occasion, and she died 19 days before the next one. To just sit back and joke with my brother, it cuts back years of darkness and brings me to tears.
-NK
So, yesterday when I attended my brother's bachelor party ('Slobberknocker '08!' was what he named it.) it was more then a ritual signify acceptance of his marriage. It was celebrating with my brother, for most people that is a common place thing. To me it is something that seemed like it would never happen. M's son died around Christmas and C made sure that it was still a special occasion, and she died 19 days before the next one. To just sit back and joke with my brother, it cuts back years of darkness and brings me to tears.
-NK
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Journal Entry #6: The White within the Blue
Today not too long into my shift at the deli a young women walked up. My job and my personality have lead me to almost always looking people in the eyes. I asked her if there was something that I could get and she started to say something and stopped, her eyes started to look around at everything. This gave me a minute or so to find the small circle of white in her eyes. Something about the way the blue hit the white reminded me of the sky.
After I handed her the turkey she had selected she apologized for being new to the area. The only response I could give was "well do come back." The red tape of work and my normal nervousness mesh to make wondrous comments, that can only be classified as the politically correct way to hit on someone.
-NK
After I handed her the turkey she had selected she apologized for being new to the area. The only response I could give was "well do come back." The red tape of work and my normal nervousness mesh to make wondrous comments, that can only be classified as the politically correct way to hit on someone.
-NK
Friday, August 29, 2008
Journal Entry #5: A Dying Past
As I walked down the dimly lit street with my dog, we passed my brother-in-law at his friends house down the road. They were both sitting outside smoking, the light over the doorway made them clearly visible to me but they could not see me. The two of them seemed content with where they were, I did not listen to the words of the conversation just the tone. My neighbor seemed to have a dreamy happy tone, the two of them have been fixing up his house and it is starting to shape up nicely.
I knew why they could not see me, but it still made me feel less important. It got me thinking about all the changes in the town. From that point till now my small hometown feels like something that can only be recalled in memory. The feeling in the back of my neck is much like the one that brought me home from Portland. It is the call to move on.
August 2007 I moved back home, payed off piles of dept and got back into school. April 2008 I was asked to look after my father until my sister could get up from Pennsylvania. It turned out that it was unhealthy for my father to stay with my step mother. When I moved back from Portland the two biggest reasons were my father and my dog, who had put on about thirty pounds. My father lives with my sister in Pennsylvania and my dog is around a healthy weight.
My hometown no longer fits who I am. I am the man that can not be seen because of the light. If I get my degree before something holds me here, I will move where ever my heart takes me.
-NK
I knew why they could not see me, but it still made me feel less important. It got me thinking about all the changes in the town. From that point till now my small hometown feels like something that can only be recalled in memory. The feeling in the back of my neck is much like the one that brought me home from Portland. It is the call to move on.
August 2007 I moved back home, payed off piles of dept and got back into school. April 2008 I was asked to look after my father until my sister could get up from Pennsylvania. It turned out that it was unhealthy for my father to stay with my step mother. When I moved back from Portland the two biggest reasons were my father and my dog, who had put on about thirty pounds. My father lives with my sister in Pennsylvania and my dog is around a healthy weight.
My hometown no longer fits who I am. I am the man that can not be seen because of the light. If I get my degree before something holds me here, I will move where ever my heart takes me.
-NK
Journal Entry #4: A Cup too Much
This morning as I woke up, the first thing that I noticed was that the room was not coming into focus nearly as fast as it normally does. Then the thought 'oh shit I sent a text didn't I' literally echoed around in my head. I withdrew my phone which was still in my pocket. There was a response to my text. Though it had a angry feel to it, I was happy to actually get a response. I replied apologizing that I sent them a text at 1:44am, at the time it felt necessary.
I got up and went into the bathroom, where I noticed dry blood on my hand. When I act against my nerves and do something anyway, I get nose bleeds. It took a little bit before I remembered and then I laughed at my self, because I had said 'Yeah, you know the greatest thing about this nose bleed, I am going to wake up then be all freaked out when I see the blood on my hand.
Last night my friend and I hung out for the last time before he goes off to college. It was the first time that he had seen me since my birthday... so, one way or another I drank about 300 ml of Wild Turkey Bourbon Whiskey. In my 'heightened' sense of being, I thought it would be a good idea to send a text to someone that had not responded to my last few text messages. About half way through the first word a drop of blood welled up on the end of my nose. I wanted to finish the message so I just put my hand under my nose. When I finished and sent the message I cleaned the bulk of the blood off my hand and told my friend that it was going to be interesting when I find the dry blood and bloody tissues the next morning.
-NK
I got up and went into the bathroom, where I noticed dry blood on my hand. When I act against my nerves and do something anyway, I get nose bleeds. It took a little bit before I remembered and then I laughed at my self, because I had said 'Yeah, you know the greatest thing about this nose bleed, I am going to wake up then be all freaked out when I see the blood on my hand.
Last night my friend and I hung out for the last time before he goes off to college. It was the first time that he had seen me since my birthday... so, one way or another I drank about 300 ml of Wild Turkey Bourbon Whiskey. In my 'heightened' sense of being, I thought it would be a good idea to send a text to someone that had not responded to my last few text messages. About half way through the first word a drop of blood welled up on the end of my nose. I wanted to finish the message so I just put my hand under my nose. When I finished and sent the message I cleaned the bulk of the blood off my hand and told my friend that it was going to be interesting when I find the dry blood and bloody tissues the next morning.
-NK
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Journal Entry #3: Two weeks early.
In the summer of 2005 I started to live by one of the creeds of Lead American's Law and Trail Advocacy team. It goes as follows: "If you are early, you are on time. If you are on time, you are late. If you are late, you are unacceptable."
Today I left the house at one, for my class that starts at four on Thursdays. I stopped at the small town convenience store to order a sandwich and get a drink. When I got to the Education Center I walked up and asked what room my class would be in. The two women gave me an odd set of looks, then they reviewed a chart of classes and rooms. "Yes we do have it, but it also starts the week of the eighth."
So the fabric of my well planned day of reading and going to class was thrown out the window. Somewhere in my memorizing of my schedule I neglected to notice or memorize the date my class started. Needless to say I was too early, I had a good laugh over my misunderstanding of the class scheduling.
Now for a day of lounging around the house.
-NK
Today I left the house at one, for my class that starts at four on Thursdays. I stopped at the small town convenience store to order a sandwich and get a drink. When I got to the Education Center I walked up and asked what room my class would be in. The two women gave me an odd set of looks, then they reviewed a chart of classes and rooms. "Yes we do have it, but it also starts the week of the eighth."
So the fabric of my well planned day of reading and going to class was thrown out the window. Somewhere in my memorizing of my schedule I neglected to notice or memorize the date my class started. Needless to say I was too early, I had a good laugh over my misunderstanding of the class scheduling.
Now for a day of lounging around the house.
-NK
Re- Three Shades of Me: The Author Within.
I love to write things that are believable. I like to take the mundane and make it extraordinary, which I normally can easily do, so long as I neglect to state how many times the action is done. I enjoy giving advice, in a way that people are more likely to listen to and gain from it. I have found that the best way to help someone to gain from advice is to remove all the things that make them think about themselves. I will take the message that I want to give and place it to the best of my ability on a universal scale. I analyze things around me for research. I tend to write in a way that shows my bias toward my distaste in hypocrisy and ignorance. I am ready to pour out words when ever a pen hits paper or when the key lay under my fingers. I prefer the pen and paper approach; I find the scribbling and adding of new thoughts aesthetically pleasing. I get mad at my limited spelling ability and my slow reading pace.
You can sit down anywhere and the words will flow from your pen until it runs dry. You will feverishly try to get a new pen to continue your thought where you left off. You have been know to press down hard on the page with an empty pen so that the idea does not get lost just because you were out of ink. You will say random things all the time. You seem thrilled to listen to others responses to questions like 'what would you do if you had 360 billion dollars.' You pour out all you have onto the page trying to free yourself of your burdens and help you and others build strong senses of self. You get loud when telling a story, you write as fast as you can and the words come out choppy because you skipped whole chunks. You hate going back to look at your work, but you love to develop your skills in writing. You love to hear that you thoughts and efforts went to a good cause. You prefer to write with spoken words, the fact that you can say the same basic message a different way and achieve the same goal with different people makes you want to talk things out more then write a general overview.
He sits at a bench and writes on his knee. He stands in line at the store and listens to the conversation in front of him. He loves to say what is sitting on his mind. He blurts out things to break the ice. He uses his words to help people see things that they do not normally look at. he says things that make him credible to the person and he then uses his credibility to tell the person who they are and how they can change. He takes everything and writes out in hope to stop the cycles he sees everyday. He loves the things his gift can do, but hates living the life that it demands. He writes realistic fiction to convey a message, he writes fiction to relax, he writes his thoughts to understand them, the writes his conclusions to set goals for himself and open the minds of his readers. He tries to be an influential character, he will help a friend at the cost of the friendship. He will relish in the advancement of the person and he will cry at the loss of a good friend. He will open up to let others know they are not the only ones. He takes the time to find the good in the bad. He tries to validate his actions with words, but sometimes never believes them. He understands the risks and continues, because he believes that if on person is help it is worth more then the sacrifice to make it happen.
-NK
You can sit down anywhere and the words will flow from your pen until it runs dry. You will feverishly try to get a new pen to continue your thought where you left off. You have been know to press down hard on the page with an empty pen so that the idea does not get lost just because you were out of ink. You will say random things all the time. You seem thrilled to listen to others responses to questions like 'what would you do if you had 360 billion dollars.' You pour out all you have onto the page trying to free yourself of your burdens and help you and others build strong senses of self. You get loud when telling a story, you write as fast as you can and the words come out choppy because you skipped whole chunks. You hate going back to look at your work, but you love to develop your skills in writing. You love to hear that you thoughts and efforts went to a good cause. You prefer to write with spoken words, the fact that you can say the same basic message a different way and achieve the same goal with different people makes you want to talk things out more then write a general overview.
He sits at a bench and writes on his knee. He stands in line at the store and listens to the conversation in front of him. He loves to say what is sitting on his mind. He blurts out things to break the ice. He uses his words to help people see things that they do not normally look at. he says things that make him credible to the person and he then uses his credibility to tell the person who they are and how they can change. He takes everything and writes out in hope to stop the cycles he sees everyday. He loves the things his gift can do, but hates living the life that it demands. He writes realistic fiction to convey a message, he writes fiction to relax, he writes his thoughts to understand them, the writes his conclusions to set goals for himself and open the minds of his readers. He tries to be an influential character, he will help a friend at the cost of the friendship. He will relish in the advancement of the person and he will cry at the loss of a good friend. He will open up to let others know they are not the only ones. He takes the time to find the good in the bad. He tries to validate his actions with words, but sometimes never believes them. He understands the risks and continues, because he believes that if on person is help it is worth more then the sacrifice to make it happen.
-NK
Journal Entry #2: The Back Porch
Today was blessed with the chance to read on the back porch. The sun (which between nine a.m. and two or three p.m requires a hat or good sunglasses, otherwise you end up trading squinted eyes.) warmed my skin and made a perfect level of contrast on the pages of my book. The wind was just strong enough to cool my skin but was not strong enough to turn my pages for me.
I decided to refrain from enjoying what in my opinion is the best from of television. The three frames made by the railings and mid beams of the porch offer an uncut, unscripted program that is object to change do to chance. When sitting in the chair on the porch you can see one of the three neighbor's houses and their yards boxed in by one of the frames. Today the front and right panels only held the houses and the trees that moved in the wind. The Left frame however housed a home improvement project. Two men where making the plain white house a rustic brown tiles house, while listening to early nineties soft rock and encouraging the two dogs to run back and forth staring down at my dog, which made him whine and run back and forth.
The CD I was listening to (All American Rejects' self titled album featuring the song Swing, Swing.) faded to the background. My thoughts and attention were torn between the book, my dog and trying to think how to rewrite my 'Three shades of me Post.'
I got a decent amount of pages read, my dog is a little more trained on sitting still even if he wants to run and bark at other dogs and I may have come up with a way to satisfy the writing assignment. All and all a good time sitting on the back porch.
-NK
I decided to refrain from enjoying what in my opinion is the best from of television. The three frames made by the railings and mid beams of the porch offer an uncut, unscripted program that is object to change do to chance. When sitting in the chair on the porch you can see one of the three neighbor's houses and their yards boxed in by one of the frames. Today the front and right panels only held the houses and the trees that moved in the wind. The Left frame however housed a home improvement project. Two men where making the plain white house a rustic brown tiles house, while listening to early nineties soft rock and encouraging the two dogs to run back and forth staring down at my dog, which made him whine and run back and forth.
The CD I was listening to (All American Rejects' self titled album featuring the song Swing, Swing.) faded to the background. My thoughts and attention were torn between the book, my dog and trying to think how to rewrite my 'Three shades of me Post.'
I got a decent amount of pages read, my dog is a little more trained on sitting still even if he wants to run and bark at other dogs and I may have come up with a way to satisfy the writing assignment. All and all a good time sitting on the back porch.
-NK
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Three Shades of Me.
The analyzing my advice giving. (my opinion 1st, 2nd and 3rd)
When it comes to talking to other people I like to make and assessment of another person. With my assessment I try to work out my clarity of who they are. I look at there physical stature, there expressed emotions, I try to clarify what they are saying with there responses and I try to compare there responses with: the information I know on the subject, things I have seen before from this person, what I do in the situation, what I wish I had done, what I may do and what I think would be helpful for that person, based on trail and error with them and others before them. I try to let people know where I am coming from (things I have done things I have seen), I retell stories and events, I try to make up applicable hypothetical situations. I try to soften the harshness either by thinking it out or explaining it out.
You sit there, your mind is wrapped around thoughts. Sometimes you take minutes to respond, other times you instantly respond and it takes you many minutes to explain out what you blurted out. You like to allow people to make there own decisions, without leaving them feeling like you did not answer their questions. You fight with yourself to come up with the words that will make the most sense. You hope and pray that you have not somehow created a situation that you cannot handle, but you strive to feel like your experience is useful and will help them empower their lives.
He looks into his friends eyes. He then looks as though he has gone blank. Sometimes his first words sound illogical, but he finds a way to drawn out what he means, by explaining his reasoning. Sometimes he looks upset, other times he looks thrilled. His words are quick and disclaimers and reasoning outnumber the actual amount of the advice he gives.
-NK
When it comes to talking to other people I like to make and assessment of another person. With my assessment I try to work out my clarity of who they are. I look at there physical stature, there expressed emotions, I try to clarify what they are saying with there responses and I try to compare there responses with: the information I know on the subject, things I have seen before from this person, what I do in the situation, what I wish I had done, what I may do and what I think would be helpful for that person, based on trail and error with them and others before them. I try to let people know where I am coming from (things I have done things I have seen), I retell stories and events, I try to make up applicable hypothetical situations. I try to soften the harshness either by thinking it out or explaining it out.
You sit there, your mind is wrapped around thoughts. Sometimes you take minutes to respond, other times you instantly respond and it takes you many minutes to explain out what you blurted out. You like to allow people to make there own decisions, without leaving them feeling like you did not answer their questions. You fight with yourself to come up with the words that will make the most sense. You hope and pray that you have not somehow created a situation that you cannot handle, but you strive to feel like your experience is useful and will help them empower their lives.
He looks into his friends eyes. He then looks as though he has gone blank. Sometimes his first words sound illogical, but he finds a way to drawn out what he means, by explaining his reasoning. Sometimes he looks upset, other times he looks thrilled. His words are quick and disclaimers and reasoning outnumber the actual amount of the advice he gives.
-NK
The walk in.
Soon after I left the house I felt warm inside, at first I thought it was a by product of enjoying my 21st birthday yesterday. It was not until I was in the parking lot of the school; that I realized that I was happy, not reacting to the fallout of a few drinks.
I went through the first portion of my online classes assignments. The second I found that I was going to be working with a blog for the class I was excited. I rely on feedback to grow personally and through no fault of anyones really the blog that I have been keeping this summer does not get that many hits and when it does no one really responds or they do and a few days later I log on and see they made a farewell blog or even worse I log on and there is no sign of any activity for weeks.
My cousin will tell you that I analyze everything and for the most part come up with reasonable assessments of personal character and on my favored occasion I will come up with something that I can use to fuel working on myself.
For those that have not figured out what, other then coming out of my first legal hang over, was the cause of my warm feeling; I enjoy learning, so I was a little excited to get back in the thick of it. Another week or so of work and classes will wear on me, but I am going to enjoy my excitement today.
This also may be the only time that the chosen name will come up. This blog is a class assignment, and I felt it fitting to allow any readers to know that it may one day be sweep to the side for other assignments (bigger and better things sounded to cliche, though I do hope it is the case.) So I apologize in advance if I just vanish from the recently posted log.
-NK
I went through the first portion of my online classes assignments. The second I found that I was going to be working with a blog for the class I was excited. I rely on feedback to grow personally and through no fault of anyones really the blog that I have been keeping this summer does not get that many hits and when it does no one really responds or they do and a few days later I log on and see they made a farewell blog or even worse I log on and there is no sign of any activity for weeks.
My cousin will tell you that I analyze everything and for the most part come up with reasonable assessments of personal character and on my favored occasion I will come up with something that I can use to fuel working on myself.
For those that have not figured out what, other then coming out of my first legal hang over, was the cause of my warm feeling; I enjoy learning, so I was a little excited to get back in the thick of it. Another week or so of work and classes will wear on me, but I am going to enjoy my excitement today.
This also may be the only time that the chosen name will come up. This blog is a class assignment, and I felt it fitting to allow any readers to know that it may one day be sweep to the side for other assignments (bigger and better things sounded to cliche, though I do hope it is the case.) So I apologize in advance if I just vanish from the recently posted log.
-NK
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