Thursday, November 20, 2008

(W13) Rush to the Finish.

The air came to slowly and pain rained throughout his body. Everything around started to fade into darkness, the tree was getting closer and closer. All of it was near an end, doubt started to fill his mind and he started to slow. He caught view of a man on the sideline.

The man was there to cheer on the man behind him. The man looked past him but pointed strait into his face. 'Him! YOU WILL PASS HIM!' Adrenaline rushed through the runners body and he kicked as fast and as hard as he ever had before.

Each part of his body moved with machine timing and everything became a blur of lights and an endless roar from the people on the sidelines. The burst of energy had shot him past an unknown amount of people, but no one had passed him. He had fought against the man in the crowd and won.

-NK

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

(W12) All but Dead.

He died seven years ago, when he lost his sister he gave up on himself. His days became endless nights as he faded into sleep. All the things that made him human became function, surviving only to stay alive for others.

There in that state of numbness, pain and happiness died away. Everything was just another thing to do and be done with. He stopped growing for himself, he became a reckless entity and he destroyed all of what made him an individual.

When the world got to him and he could not hold in his feelings, he would open a tube of paint and just dissolve until the feeling had hit the canvas. Cutting out rational thought and planning, denying the truth of the work. Piling up the paintings and handing them off to the first person to say they liked them. Any feeling hurt, and the paintings were feelings in th raw form. To sit and look at them was to admit that it existed.

The paintings became the only thing he could open up to, the only way that he could speak to the world. All else faded and he became the words assigned to him. If someone told him he was loud he would speak up around them; if people told him he was odd, he could only come up with odd things to say around them; if people said he was nice, he would kill himself to be a good person; if people told him he would never go anywhere, he would stop moving and lay still for days.

The only thing he would do for himself is walk, whenever he knew he was lost he would walk. Sometimes he would be gone for hours. He would walk until his legs hurt, he would walk until he got to the point where all he could do was sleep.

Work, school, social interactions all became tasks that had to be done. Normalize, assimilate; become something to avoid people asking you who you are.
make accuses, just to hide from life. Grow without purpose, just to show you are still growing.

He died so much on the inside that his body started to hurt, his organs stated to fade with his will. He gave up on the world he knew and he started to live the life he had promised he would never enter.

Then one day he laughed, and to feel happy hurt and he knew it should not. He fought his worst enemy and started to live for himself. Now to look at him you would not know he is a man struggling to live again. He is too good at looking alive, but deep down inside himself he is forcing himself to walk. To search until he finds where he is and move toward where he should be.

One step at a time, making up the living he lost in the last seven years. Fighting to wake up and move forward; fragile but determined.

-NK

Monday, November 10, 2008

(W12) Personals

Brief Description: Recently 21, 5'8" 230 lbs. Brown hair, brown eyes. goatee.

Likes: Walking, my dog, painting, live music, romantic comedies, talking, reading narrative history books, plays, musicals.

Dislikes: Horror movies, Pop Culture Icons, Sports, the lack of music on MTV and MTV 2.

Looks for in the opposite sex: Self confidence, defined character, goal oriented, can laugh at themselves, open minded, not afraid to speak their mind (especially if what is on their mind is a outlandish idea thought up for no purpose.)

About self: Works part time at a dead end job to pay for full time college. Lives at home with his mom and dog. Plans to be a writer of books in a few different genres. Has a uniquely attained sense of optimism that holds its own in the toughest of trails. Doesn't drive, prefers walking.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

(W12) Gazebo

A small glint of light could be seen in his eyes, a reflection of a street light off a boat on the river. He sat there atop the picnic table inside the gazebo, a leash held in his right hand. The tricolored beagle sheltie sniffing the cold cement pulling at the other end of the leash trying to follow a scent.

Headlights enter into the pier's parking lot. The man made a tuts and motions for the dog to sit and stay. His eyes squinted and widened as he tried to focus the car into his vision. The car stopped under the lights, the blue lights mounted on the top of the car where on mistakable.

The mans chest began to pound and his breath increased. The cop got out of the car and went the other direction, toward the restrooms. The man sat still holding the leash tight, the cop returned and flashed his flashlight over to the gazebo, the light struck the mans eyes, the cop stopped for a second.

The flashlight beam moved along the ground and went off, the cop got back into his car and it just sat there for ten minutes. The man peering over from time to time to see if the cop was going to come over. The engine revved and the car left the parking lot.

He breathed in deeply and shook the leash and the man and dog walked from the gazebo and disappeared from view on the other side of the parking lot.

-NK

Thursday, November 6, 2008

RE: (W11) Broken Flip Flops

My legs were sore, my ears were ringing and I just could not stay asleep. The clock ticked steady, the hour hand had moved from one side to the other and my eyes blurred. I stepped on the cover of my book, as I swung my legs off the bed. As I stood the world became fuzzy and red, I could feel my heart beat throbbing in my head. My pants rested on the box of Miller High life that housed the remaining four cans. My flip flops were in the large trash bag by the door. The signed cape was on top of the heap in the hall. The visions of a beautiful women dancing flashed in and out of my mind.

Twenty seven and a half hours earlier.

'NICK!'
'yeah?'
'Are you up, cause its 6'
'Yeah, but my alarm clock hasn't gone off yet.'
'Well I really want my face painted.'

First the coat of white, then let it dry, then the pink, then the red, then the black, and then some more red in case the nose falls off. It was not my best work but she looked like a clown when I was done.

I went upstairs and made the Iron on transfer. It took for ever to get the image right, I had a hard time finding a way to transverse the image. The iron smelt horrid, like burning plastic and heated metal. I went to my bedroom and napped to allow the transfer to cool. Sure enough, I had done it horridly wrong, as it turns out colored iron on transfers are completely different from white iron on transfers. There was just a white square on the back of my cape, I peeled it off to make sure the R was not just hidden under this odd white layer, nope. Alright iron it back on then.

I took my shower and got ready for work, I made a mad dash to marker the R onto the back and decided it would just have to do.

My 11 to 8 shift moved right along; having a hippy, vampire and chef as coworkers made it easier to get through the day.

My friends came to get me. Josh was dressed in womens pants and eye liner, and Ja was dressed in a Russian winter camo jump suit with fake blood running down it. They showed up an hour before I was out.

We went home and I put on my suit of armor made out of cardboard and duct tape. Standing in my yard and each downed a Mike's hard pomegranate lemonade, we walked by my work and I showed off my armor. We ducked into the woods and topped off another lemonade.

At the restaurant we were directed upstairs, the band had started already. The first set was fun I let myself move to the music a little. When the band took a break I showed off my armor and that had their symbol.

For the second set I went all out, I jumped up and down, just surrendering to the beat. The guy that works as the bands staff, who I later found out used to watch wrestling with my brother, gave me a free t-shirt.

The lead singer started his spiel for the costume contest; 'There are a lot of very sexy costumes, there are some very scary dead guys out there, but there is only one person that made his own RANT ARMOR!'

I walked up and they turned me around so the people could see the markered on R. The crowd screamed and I got the band to sign my cape. The bartender handed me two fifty dollar bills.

At 12:50 we started to run to make it to the gas station. I laughed out loud and started to sing 'B double E double R U N, Beer Run.' We got to my house I changed into the free t-shirt, my white camo pants and a blue and white stripped Old Navy button up, and my trusty flip flops.

I got to the party and introduced myself to a few people I did not know. While on my second beer I walked into the keyboardist, Eric, selecting a song.

'Man I love this song' he said.
'Then Sing it, and dance with it.' I looked him straight in the eye. The second the lyrics started up he was singing it. The drummer came in and we all swayed to the song as Eric sung word for word.

I talked to the Eric about flip flops and how the ones I had on had about ten thousand miles on them. On my fourth beer I noted the Eric's girlfriend and another girl dancing to Rap music. I wanted to dance with the other girl so I started to dance, and for the second song I got to dance with her. She was beautiful, so when I found that she was with another guy at the party I was not surprised. She told me to call her Ellie.

I met some other very interesting characters, one was carrying around Cap't Morgans and a liter of Coke, he offered me a shot a few times, and I took them. I gave him two of my beers and continued to chit chat about nothing.

Ellie and her boyfriend left, she thanked me for the dance.

My friends and I decided to go, and as I was climbing into my friends truck I snagged my flip flop on the door and snapped the piece into between my toes.

I got home and hit the bed around four.


-NK

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

(W11) Broken Flip Flops.

My legs were sore, my ears were ringing and I just could not stay asleep. The clock ticked steady, the hour hand had moved from one side to the other and my eyes blurred. I stepped on the cover of my book, as I swung my legs off the bed. As I stood the world became fuzzy and red, I could feel my heart beat throbbing in my head. My pants rested on the box of Miller High life that housed the remaining four cans. My flip flops were in the large trash bag by the door. The signed cape was on top of the heap in the hall. The visions of a beautiful women dancing flashed in and out of my mind.

Twenty seven and a half hours earlier.

'NICK!'
'yeah?'
'Are you up, cause its 6'
'Yeah, but my alarm clock hasn't gone off yet.'
'Well I really want my face painted.'

First the coat of white, then let it dry, then the pink, then the red, then the black, and then some more red in case the nose falls off. It was not my best work but she looked like a clown when I was done.

I went upstairs and made the Iron on transfer. It took for ever to get the image right, I had a hard time finding a way to transverse the image. The iron smelt horrid, like burning plastic and heated metal. I went to my bedroom and napped to allow the transfer to cool. Sure enough, I had done it horridly wrong, as it turns out colored iron on transfers are completely different from white iron on transfers. There was just a white square on the back of my cape, I peeled it off to make sure the R was not just hidden under this odd white layer, nope. Alright iron it back on then.

I took my shower and got ready for work, I made a mad dash to marker the R onto the back and decided it would just have to do.

'Hey are you and Ja going tonight?'
'Yeah.'
'Alright I get out of work at 8 could you pick me up?'
'Sure well be there at 6 or something.'
'Not 6, 8.'
'Ok 8 then.'

My 11 to 8 shift moved right along; having a hippy, vampire and chef as coworkers made it easier to get through the day.

My friends, Josh dressed in womens pants and eye liner and Ja dressed in a Russian winter camo jump suit with fake blood running down it, showed up an hour before I was out. We went home and I put on my suit of armor made out of cardboard and duct tape.

We stood in my yard and each downed a Mike's hard pomegranate lemonade, we walked by my work and I showed off my armor. We ducked into the woods and topped off another lemonade.

We got to the restaurant and were directed upstairs, the band had started already. The first set was fun I let myself move to the music a little. When the band took a break I showed off my armor that had their symbol. I went to the bar and got a Hanakin. I ran into my high school art teacher and she was astounded that I was 21.

For the second set I went all out, I jumped up and down, just surrendering to the beat. The guy that works as the bands staff, who I later found out used to watch wrestling with my brother, gave me a free t-shirt.

The second set ended and it was time to have the costume contest. There were a group of women in high school soccer jerseys, there were a few punk rockers, and assortment of raised from the dead people.

The lead singer started his spiel 'There are a lot of very sexy costumes, there are some very scary dead guys out there, but there is only one person that made his own RANT ARMOR!'
I walked up and they turned me around so the people could see the markered on 'R'. The crowd screamed and I got the band to sign my cap. The bartender handed me two fifty dollar bills.

I got invited to a few after parties but I already had plans to go to one. We sat around for a bit, so Ja could talk to a girl. I could hear people talking about me and my armor, I got the date for their next show. We walked back, grabbed the bottles and started to run. We decided to grab drinks at the gas station and we only had ten minutes left till one.

I laughed out loud and started to sing 'B double E double R U N, Beer Run.' We got to my house I changed into the free t-shirt, my white camo pants and a blue and white stripped Old Navy button up, and my trusty flip flops. I stopped by my cousin's to see how his Halloween was going, he had no tricker treaters and bowls of candy. He had entertained a few of friends and had a good time.

I got to the party and introduced myself to a few people I did not know. While on my second beer I walked into the keyboardist, Eric, selecting a song.

'Man I love this song' he said.
'Then Sing it, and dance with it.' I looked him straight in the eye. The second the lyrics started up he was singing it. The drummer came in and we all swayed to the song as Eric sung word for word.

Walked around for a bit and chit chatted with friends and people I had just met. I talked to the Eric about flip flops and how the ones I had on had about ten thousand miles on them. On my fourth beer I noted the Eric's girlfriend and another girl dancing to Rap music. I wanted to dance with the other girl so I started to dance, and for the second song I got to dance with her. She was beautiful, so when I found that she was with another guy at the party I was not surprised. She told me to call her Ellie.

I met some other very interesting characters, one was carrying around Cap't Morgans and a liter of Coke, he offered me a shot a few times, and I took them. I gave him two of my beers and continued to chit chat about nothing.

Ellie and her boyfriend left she thanked me for the dance.

My friends and I decided to go, and as I was climbing into my friends truck I snagged my flip flop on the door and snapped the piece into between my toes.

I got home and hit the bed around four.


-NK

(10) Tandem

The second year of Latin was with Gertrude Champe, her years had somehow found her teaching four of us Latin in a walk space between two other classrooms. She was always trying to push me as far as I could go, and she was always testing who I was.

I have run into her once, and she looked me right in the eye and said 'What happened Nick, I thought you would be off doing wonderful things now. You had such a wonderful mind.' Here she was standing years later, not the teacher pushing me further; but a mentor looking at a pupil that has failed to progress.


I used to work for a man that would crack a beer at nine in the morning, he was an outdoors-man. He would swear, say crude racist and sexist remarks; most of the time just to judge my reaction.

A few weeks back I went to the yearly party that he throws. I had a few drinks in me and he comes up and tells me that I should not drink so much. He was more drunk then I was, but he had a look that can not be mistaken. He had that look a dad would have when the police brought his son home.

From looking back at it all, I have not lived up to my potentials. I seem to place myself one step behind where I want to be. I close to expectations, and further down then the negative criticism given. In some areas I learned the wrong lesson and made the wrong choices. All of which I have to accept and relearn.


-NK

Journal Entry #12: The Tale of Sir Rantsalot

A week ago I found out that Rant was playing at a restaurant, I knew a few of the members and had seen them before, so I decided to go.

While I was donning whole boxes on at work I decided that I could make a suit of armor out of duct tape and cardboard, it was a good enough idea for a costume and I always wanted a reason to make a cardboard suit of armor.

The first night I got a good start and then I started to taper off. I can honestly merit the finishing of my costume to '76 Olympic Decathlon Gold Medalist Bruce Jenner. I finally opened the book he wrote, my high school cross country teacher had given it to me for being most dedicated of 2005. While reading the first chapter I decided that I did in fact want to finish my costume.

All and all I spent about 20 bucks and six hours on the armor. I decided that it would be a good idea to place the bands symbol, an R, on the back. The night of Halloween I was looking at one of the best things I had crafted with my bare hands. I had even come up with a back story.

I was a knight of Rantopia. Where is my sword you ask, well all disputes of Rantopia are handled through concerts. Whole wars are waged just to see how loud they can make the crowd scream.

Keeping time with the music I found to be an easy and fun practice. Concerts are the only place where I can jump up and down, and yell at the top of my lungs; and people think it is great. I was just having fun, and one of the stuff members in the crowd came over, 'What size shirt are you?' He just gave me a shirt for being me, how great is that!

Then it came time for the costume contest. I was hoping...

The lead singer started his spiel, 'Well there are a lot of sexy costumes, there are a lot of scary costumes....but there is only one person that made his own RANT ARMOR!' I walked up and they showed the symbol on my back to the crowd and they all started cheering for me. People where surfacing, saying 'Dude you rock.' and then the bartender walked up and presented me two fifty dollar bills. Eric from the band yelled out 'Sir Rantsalot.'

My neighbor across the street was there, a guy that used to watch wrestling with my brother was there. I became a person of chit chat, I got invited to a few after parties. I went to one and had a good time hanging out with a few of the band members and their friends and a few of my friends.

Who knew you could turn cardboard and duct tape into profit and a great time?

-NK