Poison of Passion

I know that I am 21 years old and I have not even begun to live my life, but there is one thing that I am sure of. People have shut there super egos off, and they have becomes slaves of their Ids. And this is where I have fallen into not being able to communicate with the people of my current peer level.

Seven years ago I allowed my Id to have everything it wanted. I allowed myself to turn off the pain of life. The ultimate of pleasure seeking, deny that there is anything to feel, both pleasure and pain, and you can deny that life is worth living and therefor all your needs are instantly met, for they no longer exist. Of course eventually this train wreck of a life style gets to you because when you go out into public you look into the eyes of people that are still untainted by the sheer terror that is the mortality of man.

It was about a year ago that I decided to start feeling again, for anyone that has found them in a cocoon that they want to shed, I want you to know that every step is going to hurt like hell but if you keep walking it will all be worth it.

Now to the point of this post, passion is only poisonous when you allow yourself to forget yourself in order to pursue it. Passion is something that is meant to be found between two people that connect on a level that does not really have words or even actions, just something brings it together. When you place yourself to the sidelines in search of passion, you doom yourself to fall for words and actions that resemble what passion has been illustrated for you.

I have once again seen and heard the livelihood of pseudo-passion, where do people get the thought that sexual relations actually signify that a relationship is functioning. I know first hand that relationship continue when there is nothing but sex left, and with nothing to base sex on, the sex fades and one person is faced with accepting something that had been denied only to satisfy physical needs.

I came to this post to find something out for myself, and I have found something that I would have never actually discussed with myself. Yesterday the psych teacher said that there were three major ways of dealing with things; Denial, Rationalization, and Minimalizing. I rationalize by forming something that I like to think helps another person through there hardships. Small bits and pieces are for me to coup with things that I can not bring myself to admit I need to rationalize to be able to accept.

My rationalization for myself buried into the words of this post is simply this. I search for something that can not be searched for. Love is something that comes when you are completely true to yourself and that is what beats all odds.

Find yourself for what you search for,

-NK