Water poured from my hair as I entered the double doors. A boy and a girl were running in circles around the glassed in Eagle statue. Entered the office and waited for them to address me.
'May I help you,'
'I have a class in 45 minutes, can I just wait here.'
'Yeah, you can go sit out on one of the benches.'
I walked by the offices windows that overlook the main hall, on my way to the bench by the door. I saw my old guidance councilor in the main room of her office.
'Hey.'
'Oh, hi Nick,'
'I have a class here at four.'
'Oh yeah, which one is that.'
'Anatomy and Physiology in 220.'
'How many classes are you taking this semester?'
'Four.'
'Oh, that's good'
'Yeah, I am going to go wait for class, see you later.'
'Bye.'
As I was reading my book, the two children ran to the bench across from mine. The young girl yelled. "I'm on base, I am on base.' The boy just started to run in the other direction. The ran off after him.
'The picture person told me to lean forward.'
'Did you have the man or the women?'
'The Women'
'THE WOMEN.' and a few others echoed 'the WOMEN.'
'Yeah she had me lean forward on my leg and then she was like 'tilt your head to the side' and I was trying to tilt without...'
The intercom's beep pierced through the conversation. The muffled voice talked to fast to understand.
My Professor waved, as she went by. I looked up 'Nick, right?'
'Yeah'
Then I saw my old math teacher.
Called out his name.
'Oh hey Nick, what are you doing here?'
'I have class at four,'
'Oh, yeah whats that through?'
'EMCC'
'Good, good. Did you get that scholarship?'
'Yeah, I only had to pay six hundred for books.'
'Wow that's great, you still working.'
'Yep, in the deli'
'Good, so you have the money.Where are you staying?'
'My mothers house.'
'Even Better.'
I started to open my book and one of the ed techs said,
'Well hey there stranger, what brings you here?'
'College, I have a class at four.'
'That's good for you. What College?, You were at Southern Maine'
'Yeah, she can tell you, she taught me at EMCC last year.'
'Oh, you teach there?'
'Yeah one class a semester. How are you doing Nick?'
'Well I have to run,' the ed tech left'
'I got that piece you e-mailed me, I enjoyed it.'
'Oh good you got it, I am just trying to think what it was.'
'Yeah, I don't really remember but I enjoyed. I just have been so busy.'
'Yeah it's fine. I actually have an online course. It is all done in a blog. I am not sure how it works with blogspot but I think this is the right url. You should be able to look at it. It is held by Jon Goldfine. Do you know him?'
'Yeah I know him.'
'Well if you look that up and click on one of the comments of his you can look at the 162 course. I did was not logged in the first time I looked at it.'
'Well I am going to go to class, I saw the teacher walk by earlier.'
'Yeah, I'll look into this. I see you later.'
'Yeah.'
Thought to myself as I climbed the stairs, 'It feels odd being back in my old high school. Things are much more formal.'
-NK
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4 comments:
"Yeah I know him." That's it??? That's all? John A Goldfine, yeah I know him?
That guy is kold kold kold... I'm so stunned I'm going to have to come back tomorrow to further comment and reread, hoping that maybe that 'yeah' has changed to 'OMG, he is the man. You are lucky, incredibly lucky, to have a man of his calibre as your instructor, etc etc etc."
does that count as I need to rewrite?
and I think that would be fiction. But if you want I can email you the teachers name. and you can ask them, they may want to hear about whats been going on.
Ha, no need to rewrite. I'l try to hold the bleeding wound in my ego together long enough to comment on this in just a second.
You're going with the modern streamlined avoidance of he said/I said and that's fine--I'm of the same mind when I do dialogue. But when the third person arrives as happens in the next to last graf, it got confusing and the writer has to offer a little guidance.
That's a minor technical matter. The choice of scene is good, the setting-up of the setting works, the narrator is given a presence, the physical material is given its due, the dialogue is smooth and realistic, the writer avoids the moral-of-this-piece trap, and with the exception I note in graf 1 above, it's clear as clear can be, which is a virtue usually and certainly is here. (Some writing gains from ambiguity which is why I say 'usually.')
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